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What Matters What matters
Thoughts, reminders and things to do race through my mind all day long...
I will let you in on a typical day.
Wake up tired, don't disturb sleeping baby and spouse, must get out the door in time, don't forget mobile phone, breast pump, lap top, purse with makeup, keys and water. Out the door by 5:55AM in under 30 minutes.
Gotta get to work in time, hope I remembered my badge, while digging through the black hole I call a purse, what's that strange car noise? Too early for traffic. Arrive to work in about an hour.
Log onto terminal, get coffee, never been a coffee drinker before this job, only one cup per day or baby will be hyper, enjoy this cup, eat breaktfast while working.
Get working, Hope spouse remembers a sweater for the baby, a bit chilly outside, Spouse calls, hear baby crying in background-baby doesn't want spouse to get dressed this morning, again, wants to be held the whole time. Spouse complains bad morning for him and one year old. I feel sad, can't help.
Attend a meeting, exhausted, fight to keep from falling asleep.
Back to desk, must keep my production up. Hungry. Continue working. Collaborate with fellow colleagues, as we lack the tools to perform our job well. Receive resources from colleagues.
Sit in another meeting, this time with the whole department, to hear about outsourcing work. They’ve mentioned repeatedly how they need to look good for their shareholders, however, I seem to hear the words- 'You don’t matter,' in my head. Become nervous again for fear of losing my job, then losing the house, but then I think, 'This does not matter'. Not worth the stress.
Return to cube area, discuss and voice concerns from meeting with colleagues about employment. Hungry, walk over to cafeteria with colleagues to grab lunch. So many choices, try to make the best choice. Enjoy lunch while working, look at picture of one year old son, become happy, spouse calls to touch base again, happy, mentions a bill, not happy, back to work, go pump in medical department, nice quick break, back to work, think of being laid off and very low severance since I only worked here for about two years.
Time to go home, pack up all the bags, goodnight to co-workers, race home, need to stop for gas, highway robbery - 50 bucks for a six-cylinder car, uggh. What should I make for dinner? How is my mom and the baby? I call and baby is sleeping, she whispers to me, I let her go. I hope we can pay this bill, hope a vehicle doesn’t die on us, we need to complete the house construction, we need to organize the basement and garage, hope I pulled all of baby’s age-appropriate toys for him now, need to lose weight, forgot to bring mom more food for the baby, oops, watch my speed and slow down, cannot afford a summons. Drivers engage in road rage, I get cut off, don’t get involved, it's not worth it and that doesn't matter. Drive time 1 hours 20 minutes, Arrive home safely at 5:10.
Walk through door, see spouse smiling at me asking baby who is that? Then see small precious-faced person with big eyes and a big smile with three lonely teeth, smiling back at me who instantly starts to crawl toward the door, like a little bulldog, shoving through his toys for me to pick him up and suddenly... all those problems in my head fly out the door before I even close the door. I drop my bags and pick him up and squeeze him telling him how much I missed him, while kissing him relentlessly and telling him I love him. This is what matters! This is what matters, I whisper.
Dara
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